Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts

Have I Loved You Enough?

I don't know anything about you. I see you everyday, through the pages of my journals, in the photographs that you so hated to take but took anyway. I don't know how you are, where are you. I don't know how this happened, this thing that makes me go back to you like the very death we are so desperately trying to avoid but have to face up to, anyway. I don't know what's the first thought that runs through your mind when you get up in the morning, and open your window to the world. 

I don't know whether you are happy or dead inside. Have I loved you enough?

As You Went Away

3:06am It rains all night long. Between bouts of sleep, you hear the rain drops fall while they try hard to not wake you up. The wind quietly blows through the night as well, ruffling leaves of your garden trees. As you sleep, an entire world dances to a whole new song. The night is trying hard to stay back for a bit longer, trying hard to hide the nakedness of things. Yet, it lingers on with a defeated look on its face, knowing the inevitable that is about to happen in a little while.

Between Rage and Anger

Sometimes, all it takes is a word from someone else to crack you from within - disappointed. The raging anger searing in your bones begins to find its way upwards. A chill runs down your spine, you stiffen a bit and try and reason out your anger for that one last time. Yet, the anger that has laid dormant in you is unwilling. You bow your head and take a deep breath, ready for the storm to emerge out.

Rage. Pure unadulterated Rage.

When Expectation Costs You Happiness

You are busy making plans for the next day. For it's night now, and the whole world's asleep. You think about a number of things, how you can get your  life back. You bring up those scathing remarks that your loved ones told you. How they expected you to turn out a person they thought you to be and how you have disappointed them.

You sit up. You try and unsettle the sad thoughts that have clouded you like the darkness around. You try and peek out of the window. No one is willing to rescue you from the night.

Why We Cry

Everyone cries at some point of time.

When you are born, when you are sad, hurt or even happy. The reasons for crying varies from one person to another. A mom cries when her child is hurt, she cries when no one understands her. A father cries when his child points at him and tells him that he is a bad father. A daughter cries when her parents demean her in front of everyone else. A son cries his when his parents hate him without understanding him in the first place. A friend cries when another misunderstand him. A lover cries when his trust is broken.

Is Your Mind Clouded with Doubts?

Before any step that you are trying to take, before any decision that you are about to make, you have this one little thing called - Doubt.

I personally believe having a doubt is a sheer waste of time. Doubting is preferred by many. There are people whom I meet almost daily who are often weighed down with so much doubt that a simple split-second decision takes them minutes. They believe having a doubt ensures a better decision. A decision without being given prior thought to may bounce back.

Fair enough.

But are we so unsure about our decision that we let doubt supersede us? Why are we always confusing between "giving a thought to" and "doubting"? Why has the fine line blurred?

You know where doubt does the worst of damages? No, not in just any other decision.

When doubts cloud your mindDoubt destroys relationships.

Relationships around us are crumbling like autumn leaves when they get crushed under our shoes. People, it seems, prefer doubting than the relationship itself.

When a person doubts the other, the other person undergoes tremendous stress. And this even fractures their relationship. People enter this vicious cycle and the relationship erodes away. But "doubt" doesn't leave a person after that relationship ends. It strengthens its vice like grip. The person begins doubting everyone of hatching this imaginary conspiracy against him/her. Those around him/her soon notice the "pushy" attitude and begin deserting that person.

My question is - Where is the happiness?

Doubt is just like fear - necessary, but only in small amounts. So, try and do justice to yourself.

I personally don't doubt anyone. Saves me the hassle. If they have to leave, sooner or later, they will.

So, you still doubt?

When You Question the Reality

Focus from Ari Kruger on Vimeo.

The night was dark. Slow winds graced up fallen leaves strewn across the deserted road. It was midnight. There wasn't a hint of life anywhere other than the sound of footsteps that I heard while returning home. Street lights had painted the night yellow and I had those memories as my sweet companion. Again.

Questions began erupting deep within me. I suddenly found myself in the middle of a storm. May be it was because of the wind that had started to pickup. Maybe.

Judging by the way relationships are crumbling around us, it really sets in the mood for introspection. We think about so many things when a relationship breaks, the why's and the what if's.

It really is a problem when you have to wake up to a whole new world and find that the biggest pillar that was there in your life up until recently, isn't there anymore.

Reality is closer home, with a hugYou feel like there isn't anyone else in this whole wide world who is as unlucky as you are.

After all, you are without something that drives the rain and makes the clouds kiss the earth; you are missing something that makes all the world a brighter place, everyday. You are missing something that the wind sings, when it carries a smell of a thousand blooming flowers in the season of spring.

Yes, you are missing Love..

With every step that takes you forward in your everyday life, you go two steps back to a past which led you nowhere. You may be walking down a road, chatting up with your friend and do nothing else but just hope that the feeling goes away.

But in the end, you can do nothing else but just hope.

No matter where you are, no matter what you do, your mind is right there in your lover's arms, with soothing gentle sea breeze dancing around you two.

You start to hate everything, you question your vision. You believe that the sole purpose of life is to mock at us and tell us how insignificant we are at handling ourselves. And yet you still long to be with your lover, embrace him/her and tell how much you love him/her.

But then suddenly you open your eyes and find out that you were in a dream, a nightmare and are left with nothing else other than the tears of love streaming down through the corner of your eyes.

For a moment, you wished to close your eyes..probably, forever.


In the end, the reality bites you

Letting Go Helps

Emotions are really hard to explain. The ones who are able to express their deepest desires and feelings are some how better off than those who can’t.

It is a terrible feeling which grips you when one of your closest ones has to go, some where far away,may be forever. You have so much to talk about, and yet you have so little time. You  just don’t have enough time to thank that person for all the wonderful things he/she has done to you, for you.

The sands of time escape faster when you try and tighten your grip.

The news reached me late at night when I was about to retire.I had had a bad day and seeing the chat window pop-up was absolutely not welcoming to me. Reluctantly, I opened the message to find that message – A friend of mine was going away, possibly for life. I asked for the relevant details and in a matter-of-factly way, switched off.

I wish our minds could be shut - off just like that. But alas! I am so damn wrong.

The sadness of losing that friend was too overwhelming for me to think about the good ol’ days.I was partly angered, partly saddened. Being an analytical person has its own sweet disadvantages. I just couldn’t see the rationality behind this person’s move.

I wanted to tighten the grip and yet not lose a speck of sand in the process.

But wisdom caught the better of me just before dawn.

Let it go as if it's the sand
Courtesy -
Some times, we all have to make a tough choice at some point of time in life. These decisions are hard, and have more casualties than we want there to be. Sometimes, in order to  help some body grow in life, we have to let them go. You may feel they won’t be able to sustain themselves without your guidance, but more often than not, we tend to under mine the abilities of many people. We fail to ask ourselves one simple question – Are they really growing in life with us around?

The trouble with today’s world is that many of us tend to judge a situation from the point of view of either an “I” or a “you”. Try and sit back and think some times – Will your loved one be able to carry on the journey without you?

Let us face this simple fact– No one stays with us forever. The real point of love is to help someone grow irrespective of us being or for that matter, NOT being there anymore.

Sometimes, throwing someone both ends of the rope does help. But this shouldn’t be the case when they aren’t ready.

There is/are a few who make you their world. With your ups and downs, they are with you.While this may seem like a dream-come-true scenario for any of us, it may not be like that way, forever.

Never think how well you are with that person around you. Think how well that person will be without you.

Turning Sadness into Opportunity

There is a time in our lives when we all get very upset, upset with the way our lives posing impossible odds in front of us. We retract to our shells when we see our life playing an unfair game with us.

Many questions begin flooding our minds – “Why is it happening to me? What did the other guy do that he got it all and I am stuck here?”

The problem doesn't emerge when we begin to think like this, the problem arises from the fact that we start to take life so seriously that we begin to survive, forgetting to live.

How to be happy? 

Try living your life, instead of just surviving through it.

A few months back, I was going through one of the most terrible phases of my life. I came this close to living my dream, becoming something important to myself. It never materialized and to make matters worse, I contracted Jaundice on my way back and was bed-ridden for over a month. 

God had given me some serious time to introspect. I was an object, vacantly watching the blur that was in the TV. 

Nothing made any sense.

During the end of this agonizing period, I went up on the roof one fateful night. The sky was crystal clear and studded with beautiful stars. The beauty was akin to a bride on her wedding night.

It struck me then. A mere simple and yet a profound thought.

I realized I had just wasted a month and a half, mourning over the recent failure. There were many other things I could’ve done.

In short

"I could’ve lived, yet I chose to survive."

Since then I haven’t just survived a single day. I have tried to live each and every moment to the fullest.

I got a new job, shifted to a new place and have never looked back again.

I am STILL an aspiring army officer and I am HAPPY to try and not just give up.

Never be sad with a closed door. Because with the closed door, comes a thousand open of sheer opportunities.

Darkness Is Bliss

The sound of cold wind brushing up against the palm leaves at the dead of the night made me wonder, wonder the other side of my actions.

I was alone.

It was way back in the evening that it all started. My phone constantly buzzed with the plethora of mails and mentions, comments my friends had made and the likes I received, I dashed it aside. I kept walking, walking on the joggers’ lane besides the lake. The sun had just gone down and only a fading orange light glistened across the horizon. Birds were headed back home and night was fast taking over. 

Everywhere I read, I hear words which tell us to let go off the darkness that shrouds our world. Are we really able to do that in the end? Do we ever get the courage to face some of the ugly truths which constantly pull us down? I guess not.

Street-lights were up and glowing and the light made its way through the leaves of trees. That was the moment when I stopped and glanced one last time at the lake. I had run for 30 odd minutes and I was tired. I made my way to a seat nearby to catch my breath.

I was alone.

I suddenly realized that I was angry; angry at others, at myself, at life and at anyone and everyone. No matter how much I tried, I couldn’t let go off that pathetic feeling. I was feeling disappointed at myself for letting my mind take a good laugh at me and saying, “I told you so!”

Sometimes, darkness is needed
Image courtesy -
I had made a simple mistake – one that I thought I would never make again. 

I had trusted.

When you trust someone, you give them a chance – a chance to either take you way high, or way down.

If you want to stay, you need to deal with this subject in the most careful manner as possible. Otherwise, at the end of the day, when you stand all there by yourself, with no one besides you, it WILL hurt.

This brings to the reason I started with this blog – darkness. There are many inspirational people out there who are out to tell you how bad darkness is, how it can ruin your life. Darkness, they say, is the opposite of light (read life). But most of them, ironically, end up saying how to start with your “Quest towards the light.”

I am happy by being at dark. I am happy NOT knowing the truth. Truth got me nothing but sadness.

The word “Friends” has really gone for a spin in the recent days. Friends are not what you think they are anymore. They may want to know everything about you but they may not share even a single thing about them.

And I have retaliated. I have made them feel how successful I am at hurting them back. I have successfully made them feel miserable and I am beginning to make less friends these days.

I am Happy
Knowing that my life is short, I enjoy my moments..and I am happy
I am happy at office..I am happy when I am home
Friends don’t have time..I am happy watching their updates
Someone is upset. . I am happy being at the receiving end
The one I cant reach out to …I am happy with the memories.
So what if the past wont come again, I am happy reliving the days.
Don’t know a shit about tomorrow, I am happy dreaming.
We all will laugh away the moments, I am happy being in them forever.
Knowing that my life is short, I enjoy my moments..and I am happy..
Am I?

Life Is Nothing but a Speck of Dust

Love your parents and be blessed

It is one of the saddest moments of life, when we have to see our loved ones pass away. I am simply not prepared to let someone I love go, ever. And yet, they have to leave at some point of time, isn't it?

"The soul has to leave the body for it is be at one with god."

Why can't we have the people we love to be with us, forever? It is a harsh truth to face when we have to see the angels who brought us to this world, who held our hand and helped us walk, go away. But, lord is with us. He has some divine plan rolled up on his sleeves for us.

The people you cherish so dearly like your parents, your beloved, your relatives, are there to tell you that you mean more to them than you can ever imagine. And that you need to be happy. When god takes away someone whom we so dearly love, he is trying to convey that we need to be more responsible henceforth. 

There shouldn't be any kind of sadness, albeit momentary, when we see our loved ones pass away. Every soul in this world is here because of something. It is their karma that becomes the reason for them to be here. When they finish what they came here for, their job is done.

I was especially close to my dog. As a child, I made our dog my world. Being the only son, Jimmy was everything to me. But then he grew old and passed away one day. I was devastated. My world had collapsed. I remember my father coming up to me and taking my hand to get a new dog. 

He said, "Baba, it was his time. Don't be sad. I will get you a new dog. But promise me to take care of him. To nurture him and make him what you aspire for." This is how we brought Sumo. And soon, I was at peace with Jimmy leaving me. I simply changed the way I perceived everything, and now I was happy.

Whenever God closes one door, he makes sure to open a couple of windows. It is we who need to decide whether to mourn over the closed door or sit up and enjoy the window-view.

It is all about love, isn't it?

Enjoy every moment with the people who consider you to be their world. With them, the picture would definitely look perfect. Without them, the picture will never be complete, howsoever perfect. 

(Dedicated to Nupur, my sweetest friend who lost her dad a couple of days ago. Her strength is an inspiration for me and for the world.)

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Aurindam Mukherjee