Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

The Burden of Expectation

She was just a star, waiting for her wish. He was looking for his North Star. They weren't wrong, just that they were different. Their hopes and expectations from life ran parallel to each other, never coming in touch, but never really going away. Like an intense emotion that you had subverted for so long that now there was no burning pain, just a constant melancholy of thoughts chipping away. But even the stars weren't visible on a cloudy night, and he was left with the dripping drops of words.

He was surprised that he was thinking about her. He was surprised, more so, because she came unannouced, just like she did in his life. She wasn't the dusk or the dawn that he knew would break at a certain time, she was unexpected, like the storm everyone warned him about, but nobody was really prepared to hold her. 

He was expecting liberation, she was expecting otherwise. The night was long and dark and he was happy, even momentarily. So, he thought to let the world know. He did.

Even the night has its color. You see, when you are placed in a dark situation, you become aware of so many more things that you previously didn't figure out. You realize that it isn't quite black - it's red. A very angry red, but not something that will make you feel wary.

A photo posted by Aurindam Mukherjee (@aurgho_) on

The overcrowded bus stop wasn't enough to quell the thoughts he was getting in the overcrowded mind. There were two possibilities his tomorrow held. 

She could be with him, smiling her beautiful smile, or he could lose her. The latter made him almost take the bus and not miss it. But the thought of seeing her, even for the last time was a thought he liked. 

Soon she was there, with a book held close to herself and firm steps towards him. He had to tell her, he had pictured this conversation a million times. He had to tell her. 
It was the night that had a burning rage to unload on hapless people, but you know that only you could see the night. You suddenly realized that you weren't alone and that there was hope, hope for the dawn to break and this storm to end.

He wanted to love her, unconditionally. He wanted to troll the world with her, to see the world with her, his world, their world. He was willing to better himself and he was going to do it. There was no stopping him. 

There was their future, no matter the past that he was deeply ashamed of. But he hoped that she'd love him for the man that he'd become, not what he put through to become that. There were so many things he wanted to tell her, he had to meet her that night.

We cannot be friends. I don't want to be your friend. I cannot be the one who sees you off with some other guy and see you guys to a glorious sunset. I am a terrible guy? Fine, be it. I want to be selfish, for you, for us. I want to wake up by your side and see you wake up to the world. I want to have a bunch of kids and shit tonne of grandkids. I want to troll them with you and I want us to enjoy every sunset like it's the last. You are my sunset, you are my north-star, you are the silence between my words, my prayers, my hope. You are my one last shot at life and I want to be your lover. Before you say your next words which, if not what I am expecting, could ruin two things - our friendship and me. Say either a yes or walk away.

The cacophony of the world drowned for a moment. He was staring at a smile.

Have I Loved You Enough?

I don't know anything about you. I see you everyday, through the pages of my journals, in the photographs that you so hated to take but took anyway. I don't know how you are, where are you. I don't know how this happened, this thing that makes me go back to you like the very death we are so desperately trying to avoid but have to face up to, anyway. I don't know what's the first thought that runs through your mind when you get up in the morning, and open your window to the world. 

I don't know whether you are happy or dead inside. Have I loved you enough?


She leans on me with her thoughts, her curly hair kissing her face. Her hands rest on my knees and she keeps looking at me. The city has been washed with another round of rains and everything is clear, as clear as her deep coffee-bean eyes. She smiles away, trying to stop herself from opening up. While she is looking away, I  place the obstructing strand of hair behind her ear. She looks like the crescent moon in this cloudy night.

My own piece of moon, my own little piece of moon with her thoughts and hopes looks at me. Her smile is infectious, making my whole body, my soul, hers. I grab her hands and start kissing them, breathing her scent. 

Those Eyes They Tell a Story Untold

It's cold now. Sunlight glistens through those faded window curtains on my face. The numbness of the weather finds its way slowly through me. I find you looking at me. The curtains gently coming up and kissing your face and somehow making you smile. I find your eyes trying to find an answer in me. And just then the clouds depart, making way for more light to come through.

Discovering the True Essence of Love

“When you love someone, you’ll do anything, you’ll do all the crazy things, that you can’t explain..”
-          Bryan Adams

I have always pondered about this simple little question. Pondered over this question on my way back from office, pondered over this simple question when I stood at the edge of the road and watched the world go by. Love is such as beautiful word. Love happens when we find our inner reflection is somebody’s eyes. I am a person who strongly believes in love at first sight.

When Nothing Seems Right....

"I don't know if you've ever felt like that.  That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years, or just not exist, or just not be aware that you do exist, or something like that.  I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this.  That's why I'm trying not to think.  I just want it all to stop spinning." - The Perks Of Being A Wallflower.

How often do we feel shunned? How often do we want to shut ourselves away from everything around us? How many times do we have to shriek for the goddamn world to hear our cries and yet we find no open  ears?

When Memories and Dreams Collide

A faint glint of light struggles through the ventilation. You are wide awake. The entire city isn't yet done celebrating and you can only wish the noise died down as quickly and the morning sun showed up. But wishes don't come true in the real world. 

In the real world, the forgotten lanes of the past are all that you find yourself in when you are done running in the maze of doubt. In the real world, the universe never conspires against you. You have nothing to gain expect those memories and a trifle amount of wisdom. But wisdom only works where there are no relationships involved.

Glass Half Empty - Half Full

When you see the entire world facing you, just turn around and you will become the one leading the world.

Perception - A simple and yet such a powerful word. Perception, right or wrong, becomes the focal point of communication between us and our thoughts. A perfectly sane person can destroy himself/herself with a wrong perception towards a certain incident or subject.

God has given us humans the wonderful power of judgment – The power to see the glass either half full or half empty.

Yet, it amazes me when I see people, average people, looking down at that glass as half empty rather than the opposite.

In my previous post, I talked about why people build walls around their lives. Well, the real reason behind all these actions is – Perception.

There are times in our lives when we find ourselves in the darkest of hours. We find the curtains of despair fluttering in the wind that brings nothing but sadness. But, we can always; and must always challenge the darkness by lighting the candle of hope and protecting it with the hands of certainty.

A few years back, I had the opportunity to film a documentary about the lives of two rickshaw-walas. One lived in abject poverty, barely able to eat once a day and the other had 4 cell phones, 2 plots, 12 people working under him, and still pulled rickshaw from dawn till dusk. Although they were in the same profession (one that had poverty written boldly on it), they were strikingly different in one area- perception.

The poorer of the two had given up on his life and was waiting for death to embrace him (if not already).  And the other guy, named Tinku, was planning for something better. He argued with me saying, “Many rich people don’t have the kind of sleep which I enjoy every night. I am happy knowing this simple fact.”

Discovering the happiness that surrounds us can only begin if we alter the perception with which we see the world and its people.

We can either look sadly upon the half emptied glass of water and feel scared of our soon-to-end life or we can enjoy the ride and create waves of love and leave footprints of happiness for others to cherish, marvel and walk on.

Between you and me – There is no glass.

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Aurindam Mukherjee