Farewell, my friend, as I see you off to a journey unknown. Farewell, that's all I can say. I have had so many things to write, and yet, I can only muster this word. Have a happy life, may you be loved like you always wanted to be, may you love like you never have. May the moments we cherished together get written over by better ones. May you travel the world, see the stars glisten on someone else's eyes, someone who loves you as much as the world.
"There are so many things to do and memories to create, and yet I don't have much time. For you are leaving. Will you promise to come back again? Why are you silent? Stop walking! Wait! Stop!!"
Waking up with a gasp is something you'd normally want to avoid. You are tired. Your entire body aches, as if you have come back from a battle lost. You wish to sleep a little more but then the cocoon of sleep hides the sneer of a nightmare, a nightmare you had just witnessed. Your body wants to sleep, your mind wants to stay awake. And so the day begins - with a battle.
The color of the coffee reflects the thoughts inside your head - Clouded and dark. There are so many things to do and stuff to learn that at one point you wish to leave everything and hop on the next train to that place you've always wanted to go, but somehow postponed owing to the deadlines that roam around like a pack of wolves on a night where you can see nothing else but snow. And you're cold.
The warmth of the cup fails to break the numbness away. Something has died. Again.
The synchronised chaos of the traffic keeps you away from your past, albeit for a moment. But then you will again get free, even momentarily and the anger will seep out of you, even momentarily. A boat without oars in a storm, you float aimlessly throughout the day and come back home, a li'l dented but alive. Your body has given up, your mind wants to shut off, your thoughts lay far away from the pretentious messages waiting for you in the message box.
And then it rings.
In a room with no one else but open windows and the evening soothing breeze calmly swaying the curtains, you pick up the call. It's an old friend. See, the thing about an old friend isn't about the conversations which you may have to fathom. It's about reliving the same conversations over and over again. And instantly, the insanity of the entire day goes away and you are in this cocoon of old memories and laughter. How's that mutual friend doing, when is he getting married? what happened to his ex? Is she still that psychotic potato?
The subtle smile that lingers on your face is something that you treasure, just like that friend from miles away. You wish that person was nearer and not over the phone, so that you could hug that friend. You have been cheated, laughed and sneered upon by the ones you didn't expect it from. You have been alone in a city full of known faces and this one friend is bringing that home closer to you.
When you're done with the call, you're smiling. You're smiling not because of that known voice who has shared your laughter and sadness, not because you are alone, but because that person gives you hope. And that hope surges from within like a volcano making its way up to the Earth, like a river crushing everything to find its ocean, like the stars shining bright to light up the path of a child feeling alone in the darkness. That friend is the wind that kisses your face everytime you have a sunset staring at you. And at that moment, that friend becomes your life. That's why you smile.
You can almost hear the train leaving already. Travel bags stare at you and you have nothing else to do but to bid goodbye to that one person whom you don't want to leave your side. You suddenly start questioning the future. You are scared. You feel like it's the end. After all, there is no way you can lead a normal life without your best friend, isn't it?
There are so many good movies that are yet to come out. There are so many places to go and joints to checkout. Who will accompany you now? The kind of retarded good times are sure to end soon and they probably won't happen again. The gifts that you brought for your friend suddenly weigh heavy and you think of turning around and not witnessing this moment altogether. But then you have to be the strong. You aren't the one who is, after all, going away.
A lonely road greets the two of you as you head back. The suffocating heat isn't helping. Birds flying back to their home keep circling over their tree hopelessly to get some air under their wings. The dying Sun has the entire sky looking angry and you hope (hopelessly) for all this to get over with. The hand that holds you begins to tighten around your arms. You feel the words suddenly weighing heavy, heavier than the Summer heat that lingers in the air.
You look around. You are walking along a deserted road. It's way past midnight and not a single soul is out there courageous enough to brave the cold. You hang on. The cold hasn't even hit its peak. It has to match up to the inside, after all!
There are some situations that just happen in your life. Situations that you can't have any control on. There are not many occasions when you can take a step that doesn't piss anyone off. And by this constant disappointment, sometimes self-inflicted, you slowly erode away to the point that nothing but just a mere reflection of the vegetative state of your self remains. You hang on to the dear thought that it will all go away. And the cold is merely setting in.
It's midnight. Time's ticking away.
Everyone has a face with its own story. We come across so many of them, sometimes in the same person we see everyday. Sometimes, we look upto them and on some occasions, we look down upon them when we can't find the answers that we are looking for.
And all it takes is a lie to melt them away.
Sometimes, all it takes is a word from someone else to crack you from within - disappointed. The raging anger searing in your bones begins to find its way upwards. A chill runs down your spine, you stiffen a bit and try and reason out your anger for that one last time. Yet, the anger that has laid dormant in you is unwilling. You bow your head and take a deep breath, ready for the storm to emerge out.
Rage. Pure unadulterated Rage.
Dreams are the fastest route to Expectations.
In my fight with insomnia, sometimes I win too. However, when I am on the winning side, I am somewhere I have zero control on - my dreams. Sometimes they are vivid and sometimes they are down right stupid. Sometimes I find myself in a distorted past, where my school life and people from present keep bumping into me. I am hopelessly outnumbered and I can't even run away.
But dreams are what you make of them. Some wake up tired after a nightmare, others completely broken. However, there is one dream that surely makes one sad after it ends - a friendship. Friendship is a dream we all experience and yet no one can actually do much when they break.
A breeze typical to the sea blows through the road. I, along with a couple of friends, walk through the bustling sea-shore crowd in the evening. A crowd typical to the city makes the place suffocatingly intolearble. Yet somehow, the sound of waves crashing keep coming to my ears. I am eager to find a place to sit down, to contemplate on certain things that have been bothering me off late.
At the far end of the road, where streetlights and darkness seem to embrace each other, we all get a place to sit down.
I take a deep breath and let the sea breeze fill me up. I am neither in the yesterday where I had to meet deadlines nor in the tomorrow where the unknown deamons of uncertainty await. I am right there, at the moment, where I can either choose to be happy or to be sad.
A moment is inconsequential if you don't know how to be happy in it.
Please read the Part-1 of this story here.
Calls soon became a daily affair. There wasn't a single day when Sam and Trisha didn't have a talk. They laughed, talked about the future and the person they want to spend their lives with. Sam was getting hopeful. After all, he was a human being. Even though Ryan and him were good friends in college, they hardly exchanged number after it was over.
But Ryan wasn't the person he thought about all day long, it was Trisha.
They met a couple of times after that day. They visited the places where they shared memories. They even visited their college just to check how much it had changed. In the mean time Sam helped Trisha in getting interviews.
How many friends do you have? No, really. How many friends do you have? 100? 200? How many of them are there whenever you need them?
The person you think is your friend will be there for you at any time of the day. However, if he/she is not the one whom you can call whenever you feel like, that person isn't your friend. If the person misunderstands you when you need him/her the most, then clearly that person isn't your friend. If that person calls you only on your birthday, that person isn't your friend.
Well, now that we are done with some sifting, how many friends do you have now?
I really don't know the reason for thinking about writing this. May be I am hurt, may be a bit depressed, may be a bit lonely. But then again, I still have got friends, I still have got relationships, right?
I took this weekend off. Switched off completely. Began this short but tough trip towards rediscovering myself through the eyes of the relationships I was in and the ones I had once been in. But then again, I found myself in a mist, shrouding the memories of the past. When one of your closest friends from college has a birthday, you can't stop but think about all the relationships in and around that friendship that you have left behind.
You can't freeze time. No matter what.
You know you have to let go off that one person whom you have loved like crazy, and there is nothing so good about that. There are times in all our lives when we often question the reality around us. We see friends turning away, taking their careers a bit too seriously. And we stand in the corner, thinking what we did wrong to witness this particular day?
A life without friends, without loved ones is no life at all.
Often, it has happened that friends who were destined to be with you forever, desert you because of no apparent reason. They just vanish! You keep calling them up from time to time, the phone just keeps on ringing. No one picks up on the other end and thoughts begin creeping in your mind - Could this be the end?
I looked up in the night sky and it was drizzling. Watching millions of diamonds accentuating the street lights gave me something to think about that night. What do you think of when it rains? Do you think about the time when you had your friends fighting over that cup of coffee? Do you think about the time you had your first walk with your friends while heading back home from tuition?
Do think you think of them just like you would try to weave a story behind each drop?
I was going way over 60kmph on a gloomy December morning. The recently laid road was just what I wanted. The dry air made my eyes wet and tears came out from the sides. The pointer went higher and higher and I lost track of time.
I was going to my college re-union, the college where I spent three years and countless moments. It was here that I got introduced to the bengali culture, it was here that I started speaking my mother tongue. It was here that I came to know what love was and, above all, what friendship was.
I made a long right turn and turned off the engine. I was at the college gates.
It was like I had bumped on to an old friend. I felt every piece of brick talking to me, telling me how happy they were to see me. Just like a child, who, after meeting up with his/her mom years later, can't seem to ask anything because he/she is so damn excited just to see her!
As I made my way to the riverside of the campus, memories came gushing at me. I kept on looking for the waves of familiar faces among the sea of students and ex-students whom I didn't even know.
The sun played hide and seek with the dark clouds and it was unusually windy.
(Gosh! I have so much to write about!)
Our college sits just along the banks of the river Ganga. Alongside the bank, trees were chopped to be made into little seats.
Light shimmered down the water and I could see fishermen laying their trap. I could make out four of them. There was no one besides me. It wasn't much trouble finding my people though. For a brief moment, I closed my eyes and there they were! Deep in my thoughts.
I could still hear his guitar amongst the ruffling leaves, I could still hear her singing her favorite number. I could hear two boys talking about their computers and I could make out someone just lying there, listening to the guy playing the guitar while she looked at the sky.
I had a huge group of my own people just a couple of years back. And yet, I was alone now. I remembered few awkward lines I read somewhere I don't remember.
Getting a chance to visit the college was my dream since I left..
I saw the long pathways of fate lying lonely ahead with bundles of scattered leaves fallen from the tree of love!
The tree of hope!
The tree under which once friendship was made..
I fell in love with someone..!
Lonely classrooms with a gentle breeze flowing from the window of change filled in the thoughts of the past..!
Pictures of my friends flashed through my mind like photographs..!
The moments we spent together..
The sadness that they are gone..!
Their voices haunted my thoughts
Only memories would be there in place of my friends..!
In the darkness of my memories, in the darkness of my thoughts..!
My mind slowly whispered.. "Heaven was here ..once"
|Source - clearartist.blogspot.com|
There are times in each of our lives when the people we love, suddenly disappear. It is awfully painful and yet not justified.
Pain can be handled if it is justified.
I have made new ones since then, and yet it is the old ones I miss more.
So, here is my Christmas wish - I hope our friendship remains the same, full of life and love.
It is really in the wind, isn’t it? The numbness. Nightlights look so milky as I walk back from office. I see people huddled around makeshift fires, mostly rickshaw-walas and cabbies. My breathing is a bit deep.
Yes, the winter is here.
I often imagine nature to be a living breathing woman. And winter to me is as beautiful and serene as a woman, when she lifts her face, and her striking eyes looking at you, full of glow. And that curl of hair with a drop of water hanging precariously on the end, kissing her cheeks. That shy smile, which makes you happy, makes you feel at home.
Winter is a time when you can cherish one very simple thing – Coffee.
No, you can’t fully enjoy coffee when it rains. The winner there clearly is tea in an earthen pot, or which an average bangali calls, “Bharer Cha.”
The subtle hints of coffee beans, with the right amount of milk can really set the tone of your mood, and your day.
Someone said, just about anybody can make coffee. But, to really know how to make coffee will be like infusing life somewhere.
Making coffee demands love. Just like life.
A hot cup of coffee besides your bed on a cold winter night is the best sight in the whole wide world. An only better sight is when it is your love bringing that cup of coffee. With your love running her fingers through your hair – that is when you know it, that you are finally home.
My short stint as a paying guest in the city has taught me to understand relationships, fast. It has nonetheless, taught me one more thing – Nothing can beat that morning cup of pure unadulterated love.
There may be hundreds of coffee-shops in the city but when you have that one cup in the morning, you can be rest assured to power your way through the day like a gladiator in a Colosseum, fighting away to glory.
So, this winter, way after the thanksgiving celebrations are done with, take a time out.
Make one cup full of coffee and treat yourself, to life!
Because when it comes to making oneself (or other’s) happy, nothing can ever beat that rich taste of pure mountain-grown coffee.
So, who wants one? :)