The Thing About Sadness
Sure, it hurts. Probably it is killing you right now. You are screaming for help but not a single word comes out of your mouth. You are "okay", okay as you'd like them to believe. If you are not okay, then they may stop considering you to be "awesome" enough. So, you have no other reason but to trudge on. Yet you're not happy, you are sad. Sure, they said the keys to life's music are both black and white but you so wished the song doing with less black keys.
One after the other, you just keep getting hammered with betrayals, decisions against you, friends who're not there in your life without you being the reason. You are just standing there, like an old person by the park whose legs have given up on him. All he does now is sit on that bench, trying to make sense of the phone his son living thousands of miles away has given them, to try and find the app to give him a surprise call. After all, it's Christmas. You are just like that old man, seeing the world with its complexities just ....passing by.
|The Night Sky at Parashar Lake, Himachal Pradesh, India|
The stench of the stuff in your rolled cigarette is working. The veins around your forehead have popped and you are almost able to see the mask of the face staring at you falling off, even momentarily. You still try to find the reason behind the words that you are being spoken to. They don't make sense and you couldn't care less. Perhaps, this is the right path. You live through the entire week, survive, if I may, on the hope to meet a certain set of faces, to catch up on the week, the month or the year gone by. The weekend rolls by and your phone just stares at you, with app notifications that don't mean anything.
The sadness feels like creeping back in, like your body being subjected to a thousand tiny spiders, as they crawl their way up your skin, underneath. All you can see are the bumps that are moving closer to you. Your soul tries to make a desperate attempt to escape but the thoughts have surrounded you and the only way for you to escape into the night is by finishing the rolled piece of paper in front of you, as fast as possible. How did i end up here - you ask. How did I end up with a double zero?
The phone doesn't serve its purpose anymore. Afterall, it only amplifies what you want to see. And all you see are the stories of folks who remembered you in their times of need and are doing well a couple of kilometers away but have somehow conveniently forgotten about you. The sadness slowly starts to ebb away. The phone is switched off. Something is being shown here. Perhaps, there is a new path is in order?
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The point of sadness isn't to brood. It's to accept things the way they are and your eventual place in the scheme of things. It's also an opportunity to reach out for help to the people who've always been there. It's going to be tough, to talk to them about what's truly bothering you. But slowly, with time, this episode of sadness (that's pulling every ounce of happiness away) will go away. You will be sad again, some days/weeks/months later. But the crucial difference between now and then is - you will be ready. You will not be alone and you will have a plan in place.