Why are We so Confused?
We've had our exchange. You are hurt, for some reason and there are many ways this conversation could have gone about. However, it decided to head that one way where there will be no tomorrow. The veins around your forehead show, telling me that your mind is bursting with words that your mouth isn't able to fathom. Your deep sighs and glance-aways are something that you kill me with. Yes, you are most certainly disappointed with me. I cannot know why. Will I ever know why? I strongly believe otherwise.
Distractedly, you take to the only refuge in your life lately - your phone. Unlocking it, you run through the newsfeed of bullshit, hoping with the cute cat video which the aunt you never speak to shared, would distract you. Or may be your ex-bestfriend's honeymoon photographs that are just too generic, would grab your fleeting attention, failingly. You sigh. Smartphone now makes everyone the next big photographer. The text beeps on your phone. It's your bank. You know the balance that's left. There is still another fortnight to go for the drug to be credited to your account. You make a mental note of the number of days you have and the things you need to not do.
Soon, a heart from another app forces you to see the same updates all over again. Maybe a couple of stories? You know them - Another fake attempt at your people bullshiting you into believing that they are having the best time of their lives. They are wrong. They aren't. Yet, you choose to believe them. Slowly, the feeling of a strong hard nothing chips away into the meaningless burst of happiness which that heart had brought into your life. The stuff that you rolled a few moments ago stares at you with its half burnt edges. You lock your phone - at least for now, and face it down on the table. Trust takes a beating again.
The long hard gush of smoke tries to burn through your throat. Atleast it was able to distract you from the rage building inside you, even momentarily. The body tries to reject the smoke with a small hiccup. You swallow the gush, like the pride when you decided to not let the conversation go any further. There was no point, you thought back then. The smoke agrees. Your eyes water.
The anger soon starts to ebb. Your world seems to be getting quieter. I see you calming your nerves, gently rubbing your arms inbetween those drags. You turn around, the shadows of the leaves outside the window playing with your face; you smile at me and ask, "Why are we so confused?" I fall in love again, replying to you in the only way I think I can. I walk up to you, try and map the shadows across your smile: "As long as we are us, it doesn't matter."