The Burden of Expectation


She was just a star, waiting for her wish. He was looking for his North Star. They weren't wrong, just that they were different. Their hopes and expectations from life ran parallel to each other, never coming in touch, but never really going away. Like an intense emotion that you had subverted for so long that now there was no burning pain, just a constant melancholy of thoughts chipping away. But even the stars weren't visible on a cloudy night, and he was left with the dripping drops of words.

He was surprised that he was thinking about her. He was surprised, more so, because she came unannouced, just like she did in his life. She wasn't the dusk or the dawn that he knew would break at a certain time, she was unexpected, like the storm everyone warned him about, but nobody was really prepared to hold her. 

He was expecting liberation, she was expecting otherwise. The night was long and dark and he was happy, even momentarily. So, he thought to let the world know. He did.

Even the night has its color. You see, when you are placed in a dark situation, you become aware of so many more things that you previously didn't figure out. You realize that it isn't quite black - it's red. A very angry red, but not something that will make you feel wary.


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The overcrowded bus stop wasn't enough to quell the thoughts he was getting in the overcrowded mind. There were two possibilities his tomorrow held. 

She could be with him, smiling her beautiful smile, or he could lose her. The latter made him almost take the bus and not miss it. But the thought of seeing her, even for the last time was a thought he liked. 

Soon she was there, with a book held close to herself and firm steps towards him. He had to tell her, he had pictured this conversation a million times. He had to tell her. 
It was the night that had a burning rage to unload on hapless people, but you know that only you could see the night. You suddenly realized that you weren't alone and that there was hope, hope for the dawn to break and this storm to end.

He wanted to love her, unconditionally. He wanted to troll the world with her, to see the world with her, his world, their world. He was willing to better himself and he was going to do it. There was no stopping him. 

There was their future, no matter the past that he was deeply ashamed of. But he hoped that she'd love him for the man that he'd become, not what he put through to become that. There were so many things he wanted to tell her, he had to meet her that night.

We cannot be friends. I don't want to be your friend. I cannot be the one who sees you off with some other guy and see you guys to a glorious sunset. I am a terrible guy? Fine, be it. I want to be selfish, for you, for us. I want to wake up by your side and see you wake up to the world. I want to have a bunch of kids and shit tonne of grandkids. I want to troll them with you and I want us to enjoy every sunset like it's the last. You are my sunset, you are my north-star, you are the silence between my words, my prayers, my hope. You are my one last shot at life and I want to be your lover. Before you say your next words which, if not what I am expecting, could ruin two things - our friendship and me. Say either a yes or walk away.

The cacophony of the world drowned for a moment. He was staring at a smile.

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Aurindam Mukherjee