I Still Remember You
I still remember.
I tried forgetting you all this while. I met new people, found new hope, changed my entire self, a self that was created by you. I changed the way I met people, the way I saw them. I started living with complete strangers, just to find a new face to remember when I felt low, and on occasions when I was happy.
And all it took was a song to bring you back to me. Well, metaphorically.
But it's not just one song to be blamed. It's the person on the other end of the thoughts who needs to take the blame. Or is it just me who keeps hoping to live a dawn which will never break? But hoping is all that I have, all that I could possibly have as I don't have us.
Do you still remember, that rainy night? That night when we got drenched with happiness and lived each moment as it went by? Do you still remember, those awful fast-food joints, where we hung out gleefully as we didn't have money to visit restaurants? But we were happy, right? For we had each other. For we had our happiness, our legacy and a castle of our future built on nothing else but laughter.
Our little castle withstood the storm of accusations, mockery, waves of sneering faces. With every wave, I thought we'd not last another bout, yet we kept on. Yet, we fought on with a smile on our face. For we had each other.
And now, in the labyrinth of human emotions that put me down everyday, I don't find you anymore. I am living a life I didn't chose for myself, but was somehow happy for it made us bump into each other. But, that story got over long back. Yet, you haunt my dreams. And I can do nothing else but just follow your spirit through the darkness of the desert on clear star-less night. For I have the moon taking me forward. Or do I?
Every morning is a battle now. I get up to haunting cries of a dying dream. The only good thing about dreams is that you forget about them as the day wears by. But what about the faces? What about the disappointments? How much can I fool my self to believe that I didn't see what I saw? Playing chess with yourself has its own disadvantage.
A rude truth is all that I have now as I shuffle my body through meetings, seminars and deadlines. A truth that the dream is over, that the person on the other end of the thought won't be seeing my face anymore. Maybe we will bump into each other on our way to work, maybe you'd have changed even more by then. Maybe, just maybe, we'd pretend everything is fine and ask about each other, or perhaps exchange just a smile.
But you cannot do anything other than laugh at the crude joke that fate throws up at you.
Everytime we forget about some people we could do without, fate tests us. You may bump into each other, listen to a song that the other person loved, meet a common friend who still is in touch with the other person. You can do nothing other than look up and smile at the almighty for remembering to tease you.
Yes, I still remember you. But I don't miss us. Not anymore.
I may remember you, but I am happy to have you in my past, not in my present and possibly in my future anymore. You may be a dream I may have to see over and over again, but then again...
Dreams are only as real as you allow them to be.